I’ll never let go Gronk, I’ll never let go. Rob Gronkowski is my fantasy team.

By William Plaster - [email protected]

What is Love? Baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more. Sorry, that song has been stuck in my head all morning and my neck is getting sore from doing that dance that was made popular by the cult classic: ‘A night at the Roxberry’. Seriously, what is love? Love is an enigma I think, as slippery as mercury; just when you think you have a grip it slips through the fingers and onto your shirt making a big mess.

There are different kinds of love, there is “I love you,” there is “I love pizza,” and there is “I love Rob Gronkowski.” Now don’t get me wrong people, I don’t mean love in a Nicholas Sparks kind of way; with picnics and loving frolics through the meadow, I mean I’m sticking with this guy no matter what.

For those of you that don’t know Rob Gronkowski is the leading tight-end for the New England Patriots, and he is the glue that holds my fantasy team together. So far this season “The Gronk” has netted me a total of 72 fantasy points, and that’s only through three games. He scored 32 points against Pittsburgh and 25 points against Buffalo then 15 points against Jacksonville. He is dependable, he is trustworthy, and he is the man in New England.

Having a player like this on your team is what makes you sleep like an actor in a Nyquil commercial. No matter what happens, you can rest easy in knowing that the Gronk will abide. He’s been hurt like 80 times, the man is basically made of metal rods and pins, but he still cannot be stopped. That’s why I love Rob Gronkowski.

As I have mentioned, the group of Neanderthals that I associate with in my fantasy league can be hard to deal with. They really can’t take a hint, no matter how many times refuse to trade Gronkowski they just try harder. So let me be clear; there is no price that will make me release the Gronk into the hands of evil. He means too much to me.

You need a player like this on your team. If you don’t have one then my guess is that you are in desperate need of one. Sell the farm and get yourself a Gronkowski like player. Obtain them, respect them, and then reap the fruits of fantasy football victory.

Recently I was offered a trade proposal of Travis Kelce and any other two players on his team for the Gronk and two lesser players from my team. The trader threw in the clause, “anyone on my team except for Julio Jones.” The trader is smart, but greedy; he wants to keep his love player and steal mine as well. What a dirty, dirty move, but as we all know, all is fair in love and fantasy football, but honestly I was insulted. Offering three medium players for one great player is a common tactic amongst fantasy trading; do not fall for it because it’s a trap. In the long run none of those players will equal the points that your best player will produce and none of them will be as dependable.

James Jones looked very tempting but I still had to stop myself; the Patriots have a history of running back injuries and Jones will more than likely be sharing catches with Randall Cobb all season. In New England it is and will always be the Rob Gronkowski show!

If you have a player on your team like the Gronk, never let them go and if you don’t have one, then chances are you are new to fantasy football and you are probably going to lose this year, but that doesn’t mean you can’t learn a valuable lesson from this.

As week five nears, the Gronk and I will continue to dominate the league together. The Gronk will be in my lineup every week and if the worst happens and the Gronk gets injured, you better believe I will travel to Foxboro, MA. and put a spin move on the security guards and rush to the bedside of my beloved Gronkowski. I will bring him nourishing soup and we will watch funny Youtube videos together. The Gronk has been good to me, so I will be good to him and that means no dropping him from team, or trading him to the enemy.

This is what love is people, it’s not about mushy movie scenes or witty Valentine’s Day cards; it’s about dependability and commitment. I realize how crazy I sound at the moment but that’s okay, sometimes you have to get a little bit crazy in fantasy football or you will never compete on my level. For example; remember the team Sidesanding Sillynannies? Well, my team destroyed that team 168-93 last week; it was a good learning experience for him.

So whether your best player is Arron Rogers, Julio Jones, Le’veon Bell or Jamal Charles you have to keep that player and not let them go for any price. These types of players are the foundation of a great fantasy team. Don’t forget to set your lineups and have a great football Sunday.


By William Plaster

[email protected]

comments powered by Disqus