Family Life

I ask a lot of questions about a lot of stuff. All day long I ask my boss, Dr. Boyd-a pediatric dentist-questions about teeth. (X-rays are my favorite! They show exactly what’s going on inside. I feel like Velma on Scooby Doo looking for clues!) I love to know what dental acronyms stand for-ALL of them-and what all of our instruments and paraphernalia do and where they originated.

When I worked for Dr. Meece several years ago, I asked HIM a lot of questions, too, and it was his delight to give me answers. (He taught at the UK Dental School, btw.) Once when we were having lunch at Billy Ray’s, I asked him about a dental procedure he had done earlier that morning. As I live and breathe, he took a roll, carved it into the shape of a tooth and proceeded to explain the whole thing! It was awesome!

I’m making my list of questions now that I want to ask Jesus when I get to heaven. When we get there, will there be an orientation so we will know where everything and everybody is? Will people like Mary, Joseph, Moses, and Daniel have small group times so they can re-tell the stories of their lives like at 8 a.m., 10 a.m. and then 2 p.m.-after lunch? And will they tell us where to go if we have questions? Someone told me recently that they want to know how Noah got all the animals on the ark and how he kept the animals from eating each other. I want to hear that, too!

One of the first things I want to ask is how our sinuses work. To give me an idea before then, I actually Googled it. I’ve seen pictures but still don’t understand! There are Frontal sinuses and Maxillary sinuses along with Ethmoid sinus cells. (“Ethmoid?” I think mine is acting up!) I saw Super, Middle and Inferior “turbinates”, too. (They sound like what I must blow my nose with!) Even with the big sinus chart I saw, I mean, seriously! How does that little tiny thing in the middle of my head-behind my nose-generate so much snot?! How is it that something inside, up near my eyes causes liquid to run like a faucet down the back of my throat? Sometimes I blow my nose so much I wonder if I’m blowing out BRAIN FLUID! How much is in there? And it’s not just me! At certain times of the year EVERYBODY’S “faucets” run!

During these icky nasally times, I wake up and feel like a sock somehow got stuck up in my head! How do I hack it out?!

The other day in the car when no one was with me to listen, I hacked ‘til the cows came home. I found myself trying to make certain “HRRRR!”, “CCCKKK!”, “HHHAAAAWWW!” noises. (Trying spelling all the weird sounds you make!) It comforts me a little that almost everyone around me is making the same noises. We sort of sound like the zombies in the Walking Dead. This morning I sounded like an angry Pterodactyl. Then after a sniff/snort it sounded like there was a marble rolling around in there! Maybe that’s my problem-I have a marble loose in my head!

And how can I EVER get the medicine that covers all my symptoms? I need the wisdom James 1:5 talks about: “If any of you lacks wisdom, let them ask God, who gives generously…” In this case, ask a pharmacist, too! I have the watery eyes, aches, pains, and fever…but I also have ONE symptom from the OTHER box! I look at the OTHER box and have all the symptoms except one. Do I go all Meatloaf thinking: ”Two outta Three Ain’t Bad…”? Arrgggh, Sniff and Achoo!

Speaking of sneezes…how is it that a little tickle in your head can cause a convulsion of your entire body?! Holy Smokes! I heard years ago that if you kept your eyes open during a sneeze you would blow them out of your head! I’ve made sure to shut mine tight ever since!

I was walking with a teenager at church the other day when she complained that she, too, was having sinus problems. Normally, I’m all positive but I was in my snotting and hacking phase. I put my arm in hers and whispered, “It gets worse. When you turn 50, you’ll have to hike up your leg when you cough hard or you will wet your pants.” Just keepin’ it real.

I’m gonna put that one on my list: how is my coughing and bladder connected all of a sudden?!

I don’t mean to sound grumpy…my ethmoid and turbinates are on the blink!

comments powered by Disqus