I recently received an e-mail from former Williamson High School lineman Larry Moses that had several amusing quotes from some coaches and players. Since college football starts this weekend, and the high school season has already begun, I thought I would share a few of them with you.
“I make my practices real hard because if a player is a quitter, I want him to quit in practice, not in a game.” – Bear Bryant / Alabama
“It isn’t necessary to see a good tackle, you can hear it!” – Knute Rockne / Notre Dame
“At Georgia Southern, we don’t cheat. That costs money, and we don’t have any.” – Erik Russell / Georgia Southern
“Gentlemen, it is better to have died a small boy than to fumble the football” – John Heisman
“The man who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely to be the one who dropped it.” – Lou Holtz / Arkansas – Notre Dame
“When you win, nothing hurts.” – Joe Namath / Alabama
“A school without football is in danger of deteriorating into a medieval study hall.” – Frank Leahy / Notre Dame
“There’s nothing that cleanses your soul like getting the hell kicked out of you.” – Woody Hayes / Ohio State
“I don’t expect to win enough games to be put on NCAA probation. I just want to win enough to warrant an investigation.” – Bob Devaney / Nebraska
“In Alabama, an atheist is someone who doesn’t believe in Bear Bryant.” – Wally Butts / Georgia
“I never graduated from Iowa. But I was only there for two terms – Truman’s and Eisenhower’s.” – Alex Karras / former Iowa player
“My advice to defensive players is to take the shortest route to the ball, and arrive in a bad humor.” – Bowden Wyatt / Tennessee
“I could have been a Rhodes Scholar except for my grades.” – Duffy Daugherty / Michigan State
“Always remember Goliath was a 40 point favorite over David.” – Shug Jordan / Auburn
“I asked Darrell Royal, the coach of the Texas Longhorns, why he didn’t recruit me .” He said, “Well, Walt, we took a look at you, and you weren’t any good.” – Walt Garrison / Oklahoma State
“Son, you’ve got a good engine, but your hands aren’t on the steering wheel.” – Bobby Bowden / Florida State
“Football is NOT a contact sport, it is a collision sport. Dancing IS a contact sport.” – Duffy Daugherty / Michigan State
After USC lost 51-0 to Notre Dame, his post-game message to his team was, “All those who need showers, take them.” – John McKay / USC – and another one from McKay – “We didn’t tackle well today, but we made up for it by not blocking.”
“If lessons are learned in defeat, our team is getting a great education.” – Murray Warmath / Minnesota
“The only qualifications for a lineman are to be big and dumb. To be a back, you only have to be dumb.” – Knute Rockne / Notre Dame
“We live one day at a time and scratch where it itches.” – Darrell Royal / Texas
“I’ve found that prayers work best when you have big players.” – Knute Rockne / Notre Dame
Ohio State ‘s Urban Meyer on one of his players: “He doesn’t know the meaning of the word fear. In fact, I just saw his grades and he doesn’t know the meaning of a lot of words.”
Apologies ahead of time if you are a fan of one of the teams mentioned in these jokes …..
Why do Tennessee fans wear orange? So they can dress that way for the game on Saturday, go hunting on Sunday, and pick up trash on Monday.
How many Michigan State freshmen football players does it take to change a light bulb? None, that is a sophomore course.
How did the Auburn football player die from drinking milk? The cow fell on him.
What do you say to a Florida State University football player dressed in a three-piece suit? “Will the defendant please rise.”
If three Rutgers football players are in the same car, who is driving? The police officer ….
Hope this has made you smile a little – I know I certainly did.
(Kyle Lovern is the Managing Editor for the Civitas Media Mountain District including the Williamson Daily News and Logan Banner. He can be contacted at [email protected] or at 304-235-4242, ext. 2277 or on Twitter @KyleLovern.)