By KYLE LOVERN
Williamson Daily News
Because we have an influx of out of town visitors this weekend, we thought it might be a good opportunity to give you a quick education in some of the slang we use in the Tug Valley.
It looks like the weather is going to be hot and sunny for the Hatfield and McCoy Festival and the marathon on Saturday. However, there is always a good chance of a “gullywasher,” so be prepared. A gullywasher is an intense, but usually short-lived, rainstorm.
It is supposed to be “hotteren blue blazes” on Saturday. Which means it will be pretty danged hot and humid here in the Tug Valley area.
If a thunderstorm would move through, we could end up having “a fine kittle of fish,” or in other words, a real mess.
Speaking of fish, you may want to try some “roashineers” or what you might call a roasted ear of corn, still in the husk. A “cathead biscuit” or two might go well with any meal, that’s a big, country made biscuit as the old timers would say, which is as big as a cathead.
You might get a real “hankerin” (craving) for some of our local vittles (food), soup (pinto) beans, cornbread and slice or two of an onion.
Sometimes our marathon runners get blisters on their feet from running over 26 miles. We might say they are “bleeding like a stuck hog” or in other words, bleeding profusely. (Of course for you that are searching for the history of the feud, a hog played a part in the battle between the two families.)
Don’t be scared of the local population, we are very friendly. There might be a couple of people that are “meaner than a snake.” Like ol’ Devil Anse Hatfield and Ranal’ McCoy were, which is very mean.
There may also be a couple of people walking around that “scares the living daylights out of you,” which means you could be very scared at the sight of them. (But don’t worry, they are probably just our two actors who are allowed to carry their guns around town.)
Don’t worry, neither one of them “could hit the side of a barn,” which means they don’t have very good aim.
The winners of the long, grueling race are usually “fit as a fiddle.” This means they are in fine shape.
Of course others might be “just plum tuckered out,” which means they are very tired and have no energy left. You might even hear a local say they are very “tard.” This means they are very “tired.”
If someone asks you how you’re feeling, you might hear this in return. “I've been fair to middlin’ or “tolerable well.” The explanation is they are doing okay.
Now the winner of the marathon might end up “grinnin’ like a possum eatin’ persimmons.” Which just means he or she is very happy and will likely have a huge smile on his face.
It will be a “great day in the morning” for the winners of the race – a huge celebration and exciting time.
Now the person who comes in a close second in the marathon might be as “mad as a wet hornet.” Which simply means he or she could be very upset. They could also “ really have their nose out of joint.” Explanation, upset and have their feelings hurt.
There are different age categories for the race. One of the winners is sure to be “as old as the hills.” This simply means they are very old.
There are some who just don’t give “diddly squat or might say “it beats the heck out of me,” which means they just don’t understand why.
We are friendly here in coal country. You will likely here a lot of “I'm much obliged to ye,” which means we really thank you for visiting our communities.
Well, I have to get ready for work. It’s going to be a long day for us at the Williamson Daily News. I need to go look through my “chester-drawers” for something cool to wear today. This is a nice pieced of bedroom furniture you might know as a chest of drawers
Before I go in to the office, I have to stop by the post office. My wife “backed an envelope” for me to mail. That is her way of saying she addressed something, likely a bill, for me to mail for her.
Believe me, if I forget to mail it and she gets upset, I’ll probably respond, “you're jest making a mountain out of a mole hill,” which means you are blowing the matter way out of proportion.
She may even be “fit to be tied,” which is being very irritated. When she asks why I forgot to mail the letter, I’ll probably reply “ it beats the heck out of me,” which means I don’t have a clue why, I just forgot – again.
But we’re glad you folks come for a visit this weekend. You’ll come back now, you here!
(Kyle Lovern is the sports editor for the Williamson Daily News. Comments or story ideas can be sent to email@example.com)