By RACHEL C. DOVE

Staff Writer

WILLIAMSON - Many grandparents in today’s world are stepping in to raise their grandchildren when the children’s own parents are not able or willing to do so.

They are giving up their retirement and other plans for relaxing and traveling during their golden years in order to take on the diapers, daycare, teacher conferences, sports and extra-curricular activities, college costs and everything else that goes along with raising a child.

According to the U.S. Census of 2010, 3.1 million grandparents have full or partial custody of their grandchildren.

The survey showed that most of these cases are due to the children’s parents abandoning them, or when the child can no longer live in their household because of substance abuse, mental disorders or incarceration. A large number of these displayed children need to have access to special health-care because of being born with addiction problems from the mothers’ drug usage during pregnancy, while others have to receive counseling to help them overcome feelings of abandonment, neglect, or the horrors and memories of physical and sexual abuse.

The Daily News spoke with one local grandparent who is currently raising two of her grandchildren, who said that, although she readily stepped forward to assume the responsibility for them when her son and daughter-in-law were arrested for drug-related charges, it has been a life changing event.

“I have to say, first of all, that I love them dearly,” said the grandmother who asked to remain anonymous. “They bring great joy to my life and I thank God each and everyday that he has blessed me to remain in good health, and to have the financial means to take care of them.”=

“But - there’s a part of me that misses the life I had before. I was involved in social groups here in town, I volunteered at one of our hospitals, I visited nursing homes. All of that has came to an end because I don’t have the free time. Now - everything I do is centered around the kids.”

The grandmother remarked that she can’t share these feelings with anyone close to her because she feels it would cause her friends and other family members to harbor ill feelings toward her. She said that, even more importantly, she would never want the children to think they were a burden to her.

“I love them dearly, and this is what I know I need to be doing. They deserve a safe home with someone that loves them and wants the best for them, and that is exactly what I provide,” commented the grandparent. “But - I do miss my former life. Anyone would.”

Senior based organizations now offer resources and support groups to assist grandparents in their endeavors to once again, fill the role of a parent. These agencies include AARP, Generations United, Child Welfare State Agencies and local churches.

Many communities across the nation have formed their own such groups to share the challenges with others in the same situation. They exchange ideas and offer encouragement to the grandparents that find themselves overwhelmed with the new responsibilities they assumed were far behind them.

The grandmother said that she has attended support groups that are held in Charleston, and feels they have greatly helped her with ideas of how to relieve some of the stress that is created from the sudden changes in her life, but also said she wishes more churches and other organizations would hold these types of meetings.

She believes there is a definite need for this type of counseling in the City of Williamson.

She also gave the following examples of what the support group she attended discussed, and encouraged anyone in her position to ask for help and seek support, if at all possible.

Advice was offered in areas such as working on communication skills with the grandchildren, practicing positive discipline that emphasizes education, not punishment, and that rewards good behavior with praise. Other topics discussed include helping the children feel safe and secure, knowing they are in a stable home where they can relax and be a child without fear of abuse, neglect or hunger.

The grandparents are encouraged to set ground rules and assign chores and responsibilities; to get computer savvy to assure they will be able to keep up with the changing technology and educational needs as the children grow older; and if possible, to enjoy outdoor sports and other physical activities and teach them proper nutrition to encourage a healthy lifestyle.

Grandparents are told that it’s okay to take a break, that a short time away from the children is beneficial and healthy for all those involved. The time apart allows them to regroup and refocus, and to get a fresh perspective and outlook on the situation. A babysitter or another relative that can take the children from time to time can alleviate a lot of the day to day stress of being together.

Counselors remind the guardians that they must learn to say “no”, that they can’t be everywhere or do everything the children ask. They have to make priorities and eliminate unnecessary tasks in their lives. Grandparents are also reminded that their own mental and physical needs must also be met and addressed.

Children can be the greatest gift and blessings offered to mankind, but when older Americans find themselves thrust into the role of parenting after already raising their own offspring, it can become a very trying, exhausting and stressful time.

Since the need for grandparents to raise their grandchildren is a trend that doesn’t appear to be regressing, it is hoped that these support systems and available services increase as well to assure this generation of displaced children grow to become healthy, happy adults who can be an asset to tomorrow’s society, and that the grandparents willing to step forward and assume the role of parents get the assistance they so greatly deserve.

“They are my life now. This is reality,” concluded the grandmother. “My prayer is that I will never let them down.”